OLD SKEGGY: MICHIGAN'S FIRST PROTECTED LAKE MONSTER

Movement To Protect  Old Skeggey Gains Momentum 
by Ted Collin
Associate Editor
Humor News Nuts  

There is a movement in the State of Michigan to make Old Skeggey the state’s first protected lake monster. Old Skeggey is the giant snapping turtle who lives in Northern Michigan’s Skegemog Lake. The state’s legislature has so far not acted on protecting the creature but, many people in Northern Michigan want to see the big snapper protected due to the number of lives the creature is credited for saving over the years.

In 1975, Old Skeggey is credited with saving an elderly fisherman who had a heart attack and fell over the side of his boat. Old Skeggey first swam the man to shore. The giant turtle then used his flippers to message mans heart until help arrived.

In 1986, Old Skeggey saved the life of a two year old boy who was playing on the beach. A rattlesnake had crawled up to the child and was about to strike when Old Skeggey with a flick of his tongue, picked off the snake like a frog catching a fly. The boy was safe and Old Skeggey had his dinner.

In 1993, Old Skeggey saved the lives of several campers when they were under attack by a rampaging Big Foot monster. Old Skeggey made quick work of the Big Foot and again, had his dinner.

In 2001, Old Skeggey saved several swimmers when he fended off an attack by a hammer head shark. The people were safe and again, Old Skeggey had his dinner. The great turtle can be attributed with keeping the numbers of sharks in Skegemog Lake to an acceptable level. Rattlesnakes, mosquitoes and big foots are also, creatures that Old Skeggey keeps controlled through predation.

This past summer Old Skeggey saved three adventurers when they were stranded in the middle of Skegemog Lake during a ferocious lightning storm. The boat motor would not run so; Old Skeggey came up under the boat and lifted it out of the water. The old lake monster then proceeded to rush the boat with the men on board, to the nearest shore. No sooner had the three men gotten out of the boat and a massive lightning strike destroyed the aluminum boat sending glowing fragments of metal into the sky. Old Skeggey did not get a dinner this time however, the three men were so grateful to the turtle that each week one of them brings a bucket of KFC chicken to the lake to feed the great turtle. Old Skeggey loves chicken.

Old Skeggey is definitely a treasure to the people of Michigan and the nation. Few humans can claim to have served their fellow Americans more than Old Skeggey. Old Skeggey is too great of a hero to accept any monetary rewards. He won’t take a book deal or help in writing a screenplay of his life. The most the great snapping turtle will accept is an occasional bucket of chicken.

No one knows how long giant snapping turtles live but, we can all hope it is for several hundred years. Every place needs its protector and this giant snapping turtle is the protector of Skegemog Lake.